Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Never ceases to amaze me

I just got an email from my cousin gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Sunday. Today I got the pictures...and the miracle of birth never ceases to amaze me. I'm always in awe that it takes only nine months to produce a perfect little being. Nine months?? From conception to birth...absolutely amazing.

As L and W are growing up and I watch them sleep peacefully in their beds at night, I am still in awe. L with her angelic ringlet curls, her cute little nose and the slight snoring that she does. (Poor baby with all her allergies). W who towers over me and I think has gained at least 3 inches in height due to his hair, sleeps peacefully and still sucks his thumb on occasion. (Of course he would kill me if he knew I was writing this...luckily I don't think any of his friends know I have a blog).

I am often so overwhelmed by work, household chores and homework of my own that I feel as though I am not being a good parent. Sometimes I get mad at little things and then I am full of regret. This weekend L cut a piece of my fabric to make an outfit for her little stuffed animal; instead of praising her creativity I was mad that she went into my bin and cut a jagged piece off of a perfectly good yard of fabric. Why??? I'm not sure...maybe because I was an only child, and I still have that mentality that somethings are "MINE". I don't know, but even now 4 days later I can't help but feel incredibly guilty and remorseful. L of course has moved on and keeps reminding me how many days are left until Halloween and "aren't you excited mommy"...Of course I am!! I can't wait to get her dressed up in her costume and take her trick-or-treating. The excitement that she has is adorable, and even though I know it will be freezing...I can't wait to see her little face light up as we head out and knock on that first door.

Eventhough I am overwhelmed and often have feelings of guilt that there are better mommies out there...I am so proud when I look at my two beautiful blessings. The other day when leaving the doctors office, W held the door for an elderly man...I didn't have remind him to do it, he just did it. Last night at dinner L asked the waitress for another spoon "please", I didn't have to remind her. To know that we have raised polite, loving children makes me proud.

I still feel guilty and worry if I am a "good" mom...I don't know if there is a foolproof answer to that. My kids are loved and KNOW they are loved, I spend quality time with them, I try to spend time with them individually as well as together. I laugh with them, I joke with them, we play games together, we listen to music together, we draw together and I tell them every day how much I love them and how proud I am of their accomplishments.

Having a teenager is no picnic - I'll tell you that up front, but W is a GOOD teenager (so He is an honor roll student, an excellent athlete, polite, respectful and a little spoiled. L is spirited, artistic, a great student, super creative and also polite, respectful and a little spoiled. I guess you can suffice it to say; of all the jobs I have...being a mom is the most difficult, but also the most rewarding!!