Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Resigning....

Dear Boss,

You suck!!! You are a napoleon complex havin', blood sucking leach of a little man and You Suck!! I am tired of you "barking" (no seriously, "barking") my name 1,000 times a day. (It's an office joke now and the joke's not on me...idiot!!) What are you - part bloodhound - can you fucking smell when I am 100 ft from my office and commence barking. Let me get a bloody cup of coffee first you mofo!! I don't know how many times I have to tell all the dumb mfers I work with...I AM SO NOT A MORNING PERSON!!!

Have you heard of "you get what you pay for"...well buddy, you might want to tape it to your mirror and look at it every day until I get a fucking pay increase! Ahheemm...it's been two years since ANYONE in our office has had a pay increase and guess what...We KNOW the company is making money...fucker!!

All I hear is be patient, wait for this deal to come through, wait for me to send money to Africa, wait for me to buy a new car for my relative, wait for me to donate money to every cocksucking person running for office in the Great Nations Capital, wait for me to buy laptops for blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....MY PATIENCE HAS RUN OUT BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!

How about next time you want your report...STAT...(BTW...that's a medical term and you are so not a DOCTOR)...you be patient and wait for me to finish chit chatting with my BFF and BESTEST Admin Assistant in the whole effing world (that has been instructed to stay out of my office....BOOOOO!!!), how 'bout you be patient while I actually drink a hot cup of coffee for once, how 'bout you be patient while I am talking on the phone (and stop barking my name while I'm doing it)....huh, how 'BOUT that!! You greedy little bald bastard!!!

You think you have me by the balls 'cause I have flexibility and oh yeah the job market sucks??? Well flexibility isn't worth my dignity and guess what...I could royaly fuck up your company for a few weeks....delete, delete, delete....How do your balls feel in my hand now? Not to mention...I could get me one of them lawyers and sue your short ass for LOTS of things!! Muy ha ha ha ha!! (evil laugh)

BTW, speaking of Lawyers...THREE of the attorneys we work with have offered me jobs....don't be so sure of yourself that I won't jump on one of those opportunities...(fuck, the idea of driving to DC makes me batty...OH WELL).

Anyways, I just wanted you to know what a greedy, scum sucking, bastard you are. I'll be expecting 6 months of severance pay, four weeks of leave, my trip to the bahamas for me and my children, my two **P bonuses, my two annual bonuses, a pay increase for the past to years, $500 in gas cards, a new car and also you WILL continue to pay my health insurance for me and the fam for like the next year and a half, right?? That shouldn't be an issue...Oh and when VEC sends you notice...don't even THINK about denying me my unemployment benefits that I will be filing for....STAT! Finally, did I tell you....YOU SUCK!!!!

Signed -

Your Kick Ass Employee

P.S. I quit...and YOU still SUCK!!

1 comments:

Maniacal Mom said...

Uh, see you at work tomorrow..............